Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Brain Vomit - Blog Style

Whewwwww... Okay readers, tonight's blog is literally just what is on my mind in typed form. Feel free to read and take what you will from my thoughts. Prepare for long winded sentences and blurbs of thought.

So, I have a vision, and that is to be in a dark room, alone with Me and God, for days, and just cry out to hear and have him talk deep into my soul.

I think the reason why that has been on my heart tonight is because I have been so tired of going to school, and being surrounded by... I don't know, evil! It seems like I am so busy in this world, but in everything I do, I don't get to be involved in my passion. I am sick of that, I am sick of going to school and not seeing a change. Is that pride?

I have a couple of questions, you know, right in the bible it says that it is hard to stay strong by yourself, and that two is better than one and three corded rope isn't easily broken. SO why has God placed me all by myself in school? I am ready to find some Christian friends in school. I'm not bitter, just curious. I mean, that shouldn't stop me... think about it this way. I am studying Acts right now, and there were only two(for the most part) disciples bringing the word of the Lord all around these cities, and I don't have a whole city, I only have a school. Hmmm.. I want to be a disciple, I want to see nations changed, and I want to speak to people, even on a small scale, just to give them that hope. I want to go form person to person, and let them in on this gift of life, just like they did in Acts.
God, please release that on me!

One thing I noticed today, is how bad I am at opening up to people about it, and seeing the opportunities that God has laid out in my daily path, even among all the things that I am involved with.
Jesus, please give me the eyes to see things the way you did.

ANother thing, I used to not be so close to God, and got committed to all these things in my world, now the passion isn't there, but I still have to commit.
God, please show me how to bring my passion I have for you into all of the things I am involved in, come with me and hold my hand in my day to day activities.

Back to the pride comment, sometimes I am scared... Scared to admit that I had a bad day because I don't want people to think I have fallen from God, and the reason for that is because I know what it's like to fall from him and I never want that to happen again, but I have to realize that even when I feel like I'm struggling it doesn't mean God isn't there. I mean, what kind of Christian would we be if we weren't tested??? And I struggle with things, and it is pride which keeps me from sharing that with other Christians, and that is a trick from Satan, because the bible says to share your sin with one another, and to forgive, and by being prideful I am not telling people my struggles, and if I did, maybe they could pray for me, or maybe it would encourage them! Another thing on the pride thing, I want so much to see progress in my school, or wherever, but I don't want that to be pride, I just mean that I want that to be confirmed with me so that I know that I am doing something right.

I think Pride is a big thing in my life, competition even to be doing well.
God, destroy that! RIGHT NOW! In your name God, free me from that, and even when I am doing well, I pray that I will never seek a crown. I pray that I won't be afraid to share my faults and struggles and what is going on in my life, because perhaps that can help someone. Lord, I pray that IT WILL help someone!


Hmm.... Pray the prayer you want over your life.
Jesus, anoint me to your will. Show me what that is, give me your eyes to see the opportunities you give me everyday at school, because that is where you put me. Release your Holy Spirit over me. Fill me with such an energy and joy and power, I pray that YOU will give ME to power to crush satan under my foot. I love you Lord. Please Jesus send Christian friends my way to help out at school, push me Lord, I pray I will never give up. I pray for progress! I desire nothing but you. The world has nothing to offer me. Oh God Your Spirit inside me holds me close, in wonderful presence I let go, I cleanse my hands, you broke my heart, I cry out for love, you set me apart. You're spirit soars me to the highest heights, from where I'll not look back Lord, I'll keep trust in you. From the land of the baron, we will cry out for rain, rain God! Fill our hearts, I'll keep trust in you! For I know, you are faithful!


Wow, revelation. Haha, a couple of days ago I sent out a challenge on this blog, maybe that is why this week has been so challenging. Doesn't mean the challenge is over, after all, what kind of Christians would we be without a challenge?

Faithful,
Colton

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